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Oh, we're going to have fun. We're going to stay here and make nachos and see who can fall asleep the earliest! Fun, fun, fun, fun! And I am not crazy. Because, unlike Jenna, my mother never used my beauty pageant winnings to buy her married boyfriend a motorcycle. Cause living a lie will eat you up inside. Like that parasite I got from eating sushi on Amtrak. My work self is suffocating my life-me. Ahhhh! Life is happening.

Thanks, it’s my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water. All God’s children are terrible. So I am making my graceful transition into spinsterhood. I have adopted this cat, named her Emily Dickinson. That's what you use the jars for? You told me that was sun tea. Lovers... oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.

Suck it, monkeys, I’m going corporate. Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing! You can’t be gay for just one person. Unless you’re a lady, and you meet Ellen. Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi. You’ve got stability, a great marriage, devoted kids. You know what I have? A Sims family that keeps getting murdered.

We can worry about that later. Maybe we’ll be dead by then. This better be important Jack, I was in the middle of buying a bag of bras on eBay. She’s very well-read… and she’s very stylish, don’t you think? And you know the most important thing is she makes Jack very happy. She’s like a… white geisha. I'm not the one you call when you want to go clubbing on the town and party-dance all night. Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like overtipping and supporting Barack Obama.

Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich. We’re all getting hot dogs! What, do you think there's two lines and we're all in this line and you're the only genius that got in the other line? There was some confusion and I ended up punching the real Levar Burton. I thought we understood that you are never to think that I understand anything! God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.